Jump into white unknowns (faux-vintage)

Neither present, nor absent, neither dead not alive
Dis(re)pair
Don't close your eyes - keep watching
Scopophobia
Scooped my thoughts out with a spoon and shutdown my ears with hot wax
Nothing more than a wallflower even to the hummingbird
No direction (it shouldn't, but it did)
Please attach gentle scaffolding to hypervigilance
They keep calling me because I don't exist
I don't exist
Want to bleed out the words you said to me
Unreliable burnt holes of memory
Peel off the remembrances
Stop watching me
Please
Stop longing for a home that'll never exist
...The grief of self-reproach through the remainder of life